There comes a time when the thought, I just need to walk away, enters my head and runs amuck. It can happen with anything. It might be with a person, an employer, something I’m trying to create, it doesn’t matter the cause, because the result is the same. I question myself and my abilities.
Don’t get me wrong, walking away from abuse, neglect, people and situations that cause more harm than good, these things are worthy of walking away from. Maybe even running from. But what of the things I simply fear? The things that aren’t hurting me really, things that might in the long run, but are uncertain. What of other obstacles? Those pesky little–sometimes gigantic–blockades that seek to keep me from reaching what I want? Those are always the things I want to run from. To give up, to tell myself I can’t have what I want, can’t reach my goal, I’m not smart enough or witty enough, fast enough or charismatic enough… No matter what the ‘thing’ is I’m telling myself, it always circle back to the one true statement that my mind tries to convince me of daily, I’m not good enough, I should just give up and walk away. But why do I tell myself such things? Why do I think I can’t achieve my goals, no matter what stands before me?
It’s BS. I mean, I’ve seen kids with no legs run, I’ve heard deaf people sing the most beautiful harmonies, I’ve read interviews about horrific things happening to people–things that would destroy many of us, and yet, these people say only nice things about the ones who showed them love. I know of grown men just learning to read. I see people taking their brokenness–even those many years my senior–and trying to heal it. Then I ask myself, if they can do it, why can’t I? It’s a good question, why can’t I?
Because I can. We all can.
What I’ve come to realize is that no matter what the thing is that I want to give up on or run from, it’s love that keeps me trying. Whether it be a love of what I’m doing, love for others or the love I get back from those who believe in me, it is love that makes my goals possible. Will I sometimes struggle more at certain things, given my life’s circumstances? Yes. Will others struggle with their own obstacles, given their circumstances? Yes. But when we help one another, empower one another, then it makes these things that feel so overwhelming, so unattainable, so out of reach and completely impossible, suddenly possible.
Love helps us see that even if there is a mountain in our way, there are trails left by those that have come before us, and will remain for those who come after. There are bridges over pockets of churning waters, rocks to steady us as we ascend, railings to assist when we reach steep terrain and our feet try to slip out from under us. Those who love us are always there, standing at the rough points with arms stretched out, ready to grasp our hands and steady us as we reach the next level. The key isn’t to trudge up the hillside alone, it’s reaching up and letting those who care, take our hand. It’s allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to take that help, because at some point or another, we all need it. Seeing those with outstretched arms who want to help us and see us succeed, it makes me accept that I can have what I want, I can achieve my goals, and I am worthy of good things and people in my life. Because it’s in us helping and allowing help, that we find our truest strengths and reach our goals. Then we emerge at the top with a stronger sense of who we are, what we’re capable of, and what we can give to those just beginning their climb.
Everything always connects and ripples out to affect the people around us. This is what we create when we let go of our worthiness issues, the voices in our heads telling us we can’t do it, can’t achieve our goals, and embrace the love that others are willing to give us by being that railing, that helping, steady hand.
One thing I’m asked a lot is how I balance being a mom, an author, a wife, a graphic designer and social media guru, an artist and all the other crazy things that make up my day, so here you go… I figured giving you a glimpse of my day would be the best way to show you how I manage my time. This may seem like a crazy schedule, and I assure you, it is. The important thing to remember is that I don’t always do these things in order.
First things first, my kids. They are my priority in the morning. Once I have them ready and off to school, then I start in on the social media needs for the day. This includes doing graphic design work, posting and interacting on several social media platforms, completing blogs, and interviews, promoting my writing, anything that involves putting myself out on the internet. After that, I usually break for lunch while I see the hubby off to work (this happens around 11a.m.). Once that’s done, I start in on the wife/mom duties of cleaning. YAY (insert sarcasm here). I try to rotate what I do so that I’m not cleaning all at once. Like Monday I work on laundry, Tuesday I might clean bathrooms, Wednesday will be for cleaning animal cages and vacuuming, and it goes on throughout the week. This way I keep my daily needs low in that regard and have more time to focus on the creative process.
Around two, I hop in the car to go get the kiddos. This is my usual time for running errands as well. Then it is relax time for a half an hour while boys unwind from school. I usually use this time to watch half a show, while also drawing or making jewelry. After that, it’s homework helper time, then off to make dinner. See how this goes?
By the time dinner is over and the kids are bathing or playing, I use that time to catch up with friends and family, do additional cleaning/bill paying if needed, or finish the show I began earlier. Along with more creativity while I’m watching, because for those who know me, it’s really hard for me to sit still and watch television. After that, it’s time for getting the kids to bed, which is when my day really begins. At least the best part of it, because this is when I get to write! Yes, I’m a night writer. I do my best work in the two hours between my boys going to bed and the hubby getting home. I’ve tried writing in the morning, and occasionally if there is no one in the house, I can write during the day, but I’m much more productive at night. It means the difference between writing 1k words in an hour, and 2-3k. When it’s dark and quiet at night, I write a lot faster.
So this is my typical day. Granted, there are more details I obviously can’t list out or this would be pages long, but this is how I balance my day. At some point, I hope to be able to write for four hours a day, but for now, 10-15k words a week is better than nothing. If I’m trying to make a deadline, then sometimes I’ll write six hours straight to get a project finished. Whatever I need to. But that isn’t a typical writing day. I also make sure to give myself extra time when I know something needs to be completed by a certain date. That way if I get sick, or the kids, I can take time off from the writing and take care of what I need to. This is key for me. The moment I feel my chosen career is a chore, is the moment I lose my inspiration.
After having a discussion with a friend last night about accountability, and how when we aren’t held accountable as kids we grow up to be complete jerks, I got thinking about something that happened when I was young. Being a good parent or mentor doesn’t always mean punishing someone for their actions. Sometimes it simply means serving as an example. I’ll tell a bit about what I mean…
When I was ten or so, my mom made a ceramic doll. It was about a foot and half tall, and she spent many days painting it, firing it, and finally presented it to me. It was placed in my bedroom so I could see it. I even had put little flowers in the doll’s apron. I loved it, and loved that my mom spent so much time making it for me.
I kept it for many months until one day when a couple of neighbor kids were over playing at my house. We were running in circles in my bedroom. One friend was twelve, the other only six. After several spins and crazy behaviors, the six year old crashed into the ceramic doll. Shattering it. She was barefoot at the time. At first, I was soooo mad at her. I wanted her punished and hoped my mom would be angry with her for breaking it. After all, it was her who put in all that work to make it. I didn’t even stop to think if the girl was okay. Instead, I yelled for my mom.
She came in the room and saw the shattered doll and I told her what happened. I was prepared for my mom to yell at the neighbor girl and call her parents. But that’s not what happened. Instead, my mom ran to the girl and scooped her up and onto my bed. She asked her several times if she was okay and kept checking to make sure she hadn’t cut her foot. Not once did my mom say anything about the doll being broken. All she cared about was making sure she was okay. Then my mom had us all get on the bed while she cleaned up the glass pieces.
The girl kept apologizing for wrecking what my mom made, and my mom just kept repeating, “I’m just thankful you’re okay.” It was then when I realized the kind of person I wanted to be. My mom taught me, without ever saying anything directly to me. People will always come first. Always. I felt awful once I realized that my friend could have gotten really hurt and all I’d cared about was the ‘thing’.
So, this being said, I think sometimes the best way to reach people is to show them how to be. Still holding them accountable, but with compassion too. There is so much we can teach one another without ever opening our mouths. Just wanted to share.
Here it is! The Heart-Shaped Emblor is officially on sale! For those of you who buy the book today, you can get the eBook for only 99 cents! This deal isn’t going to last, so buy it now if you want the sale price. It is also available in print. :-)
Kindle Nook Amazon Print Kobo Soon to be available at most bookstores upon request!
As promised, here is the interview with teen medium Cassidy Rae from the show Dead People See Me.
Q. What are your favorite areas to investigate?
A. I love to investigate older buildings or places with a lot of history, they usually have a lot of energy. My favorite places I’ve been to? There are a lot! Poasttown School in Middletown is one of my all time favorite places. I also really enjoyed Ashmore Estates. I was there earlier this year about 3 days before tornadoes came through and took the roof off. They have fixed it and it’s open again for investigations now.
Q. Are there any communications that stand out in your mind above the rest?
A. There are a few. I think one of my most detailed readings was this summer. I was doing an event in Indiana and we were investigating an amusement park. I did a reading for one of the girls there, and I guess we just really connected anyway, because I got her grandmother’s name, the color of roses that were on her casket at the funeral, even the name of the song she and her husband danced to at their wedding 50 years ago. It was very emotional.
Q. What is the best part about being a medium?
A. There are pros and cons, just like with anything else, but the best part is that I am able to help people using my gift, whether it’s giving them that last goodbye, or just the piece of mind that their loved ones are ok. So many people have final regrets like did she know this or did they know that. To me, one of the best feelings in the world is the feeling I get when I can bring someone peace of mind through a reading. God blessed me with an amazing gift that I will forever be grateful for.
Q. Tell me a little about what a general investigation entails.
A. Generally when we go into an investigation, I listen to music to get pumped up, because there is so much excitement and energy for me. Investigation is my most favorite thing to do. I always pray to the Lord to give me protection from anything that may try to do me harm, I pray for the spirits that we may encounter, and I pray for guidance and clarity while investigating. As we investigate, I just relay what I am hearing and seeing while we are there. Many times, when I am picking up on an energy or spirit somewhere, it corresponds with spikes and readings from various equipment that we use while investigating. Mostly, I’m just a translator LOL. I relay to every one what the spirits are saying in response to their comments and questions. It’s not always friendly or even child friendly, but I’m just the messenger.
Q. Where can we watch episodes of Dead People See Me?
A. You can watch Dead People See Me on Ghosttalestv.com and on my youtube channel, CassidyRaeDPSM.
The Living Dead Paranormal Crew and Cassidy Rae with Dead People See Me team up for one of their most active paranormal investigations. Watch video by clicking on link.
Cassidy compares her talents to Aislinn from The Heart-Shaped Emblor. Click on link to watch video.
Cassidy on an investigation. Click to watch video.
For more information on The Heart-Shaped Emblor, see the official Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Heart-Shaped-Emblor/359662900803521.
For the book trailer, click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nswJZRLL81Q.
Have a great day!
This is the new cover design for The Heart-Shaped Emblor. Hope you like it! For those interested, the book trailer is here The Heart-Shaped Emblor Trailer.
Just wanted to let everyone know that as my book launch approaches, we have lots in store for you! There will be a blog tour I’ll be going on, I’ll be interviewing Cassidy Rae from Dead People See Me (cover model and medium), possibly an interview from a group called PSI: Ireland (who also does paranormal investigation), and more as it comes! So be sure to keep checking here as the next few weeks go by.
Here is the official book cover for my novel The Heart-Shaped Emblor. It’s a young adult paranormal sci-fi romance. Yes, it is a lot of things! :-) This is the first bit of fiction I wrote back in mid 2009, and after many rewrites, it’s finally ready for an audience. This novel series is dear to my heart for so many reasons, one being that it’s about overcoming fear. The most debilitating thing I’ve ever had to deal with in life is fear. I think it’s something we can all relate to whether our fear stems from trauma, social acceptance or lack thereof, fear of the unknown, fear of being who we truly are–with no masks… All these things create a darkness in us that can cripple the best parts of us. This is why the series means so much to me and why I’m so thankful for Evil Girlfriend Media taking a chance on me. I hope you all enjoy the novel, and for those of you already overcoming your fears in life, there’s something for you too! Whether you enjoy ghosts, string theory, other dimensional beings, or just plain love, you’ll find it in The Heart-Shaped Emblor!
Book cover design was done by Mark Joseph Ferrari. He’s an amazing artist and author! Check out his website for his portfolio of work.
Cover model is medium Cassidy Rae of the show Dead People See Me.
I’m pleased to announce the sale of my short story “Blood of the Mother” for the anthology Witches, Stitches, and Bitches from the fabulous new start-up company Evil Girlfriend Media. I’m looking forward to reading all the Three Little Words anthologies! More to come when I learn the official release date!
Today’s post is about appreciation. After seeing so many people attacking one another lately, whether on Facebook, YouTube or even in person, it only makes me realize just how fortunate I am to have such wonderful people in my life. Over the last several years I’ve gotten quite good at weeding out those who claim to care, but then turn around and spew such ugliness from their mouths. Now I’m left with people who are truly amazing. I will keep this short and sweet.
To the people in my life who know how to love unconditionally, to those who listen and accept who I am without judgment, for those of you who didn’t think twice about helping with food, rent, hotel, car issues, or any other thing that has come up in my life, to the friends that listen to me talk about horrific things–not because you want to hear it, but because you know I need to get it out, and to those of you who take the time of your busy days just to say hi and you’re thinking about me, I want you all to know how much I love and appreciate you. I feel so much gratitude toward you all, and am so thankful to have you in my life.
This may be short, it may be simple, but I cannot possibly express in words the love I have for you all. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. :-)